On the Mark

On the Mark is an award winning, internationally syndicated advice column written by Mark Hill. Filling in while Mark is on vacation is his seven year old niece, Louise.   

Dear Mark,

I’ve been given a wonderful job offer, but it’s with a troubled company. It’s the exact sort of work I want to do, but if they continue their streak of bad luck I could find myself without any work at all! Should I take the plunge, or stick with a job that’s boring but safe?

-Underemployed in Utah

dear utah

i dont think you should work because work makes people sad. when my mommy and daddy come home from work theyre always tired and grumpy and dont want to play unicorns with me. sometimes they argue but mostly they just heat up supper and then watch tv and then i dont know what they do next because thats past my bedtime. and the tv isnt even good tv like cartoons. its news and other boring stuff. maybe you would like it because youre an adult and thats what adults like but i think you would like playing with unicorns even more. so i think you should stop working and play with unicorns alllllll day! if you need help picking good unicorns just let me know ^_^


Dear Mark,

I’m a firm believer in the paranormal—ghosts, aliens, and so on. It’s a subject I’m intensely passionate about, but I’ve never told my friends and family because I’m afraid they’d look down on me. I really want to share my hobby with them, but is it worth the risk?

-Ghostly in Georgia

dear ghosty

i dont think you should tell anyone because ghosts and aliens are scary and you dont want to scare anyone you like. you could tell people you dont like and scare them but that would be mean so maybe you should not do that. if you ever need to talk about your scary stuff you can talk to me because i’m brave and i promise i wont get scared. well i might get scared a little but i’ll listen anyway because i want to help because helping is what i do best!

-BOOuise <(:p)> ooooooooh i’m a ghost! hehe not really

Dear Mark,

My life is a downward spiral. I’m constantly miserable, my alcoholism and drug abuse is out of control, and I can’t stop fantasising about taking my own life. I have no friends or family to turn to, and I’m starting to think I should just kill myself before I suffer a complete mental breakdown and hurt innocent people. Can you offer me any hope?

-Suicidal in Saskatchewan

Dear sasquatch

you sound really sad and that makes me sad. when i’m sad i play with my kitty cat. i named her louise so we could be twins and she is very pretty and special and she always makes me feel better. i think you should get a kitty and then you’ll feel better like me. or you could get a puppy or a bunny that would also help because they are cute too. louise says do not listen to me and be sure to get a kitty but i think shes biased because she is a cat. i think you should get whatever you think is adorablest and snuggle with it until you are all better

-Louise 🙂 (and louise! =^_^=)