My To Do List

Get groceries.

Do the laundry.

Look for a new job.

Launch a successful, rewarding career.

Find true love.

Get married.

Have children.

Raise children well.

Have a full lifetime’s worth of accomplishments, experiences, friendships, moments of awe, and love.

Make a difference in the world.

Come to the grim realisation that no matter how much of a difference we make there will always be tragic inequalities between nationalities, races, genders, sexualities, classes and other dividers, as some people are predisposed to prejudice and as we try to support a growing global population on dwindling reserves of resources amidst the problems of climate change conflict and exploitation will be inevitable.

Deal with the despair that comes when we accept that major events in our lives are dictated by chance, and that the whimsies of fate that planted us in this day and age control the course of our lives as much, if not more than, our own actions.

Know that no matter what I do with my life my very nature will prevent me from feeling anything other than dissatisfaction and a vague sense of unease.

Become an angst-ridden old man, bitter over never taking the risks I knew I should have taken, knowing that my cowardice prevented me from achieving the dreams I held as an idealistic but nervous youth.

Feel guilty about my bitterness, as regardless of what course my life takes I will enjoy a higher quality of life than the vast majority of people in human history.

Accept that I will one day go to my death in tremendous fear and panic, assuming I’m not abruptly snuffed out in a manner that prevents me from even having the chance to acknowledge that my time has ended.

Come to grips with the fact that in the grand scheme of things we are less than specks of dust, doomed to be forgotten first by our fellow man and then by reality itself as the aeons pass and the dying universe consumes humanity, rendering existence ultimately meaningless.

Catch up on the latest celebrity gossip.

Be disappointed in Olivia Wilde’s new hairstyle.

17 thoughts on “My To Do List

  1. Bruce

    Coming over from, I just wanted to say Thank You for your article. You’re able to put into words what I can’t seem to describe to people about the very same things that are going on with me (all with a dash of some crude humor, helping me to crack a smile during the read). Thanks again

  2. T

    What they said, and also, that’s a pretty decent To Do List. (also, if I found the cookies and cream joke funny, what does that say about me? o.O)

  3. jeanette

    LIke your article on depression from… very interesting and humorous.

    oh the best of your to do list would be to ” just do the laundry” for now.

  4. Melanie May

    I fully intend to copy & paste your ‘To Do’ list as my own(despite having accomplished a couple of items already….that laundry did NOT know what hit it!).

    What I may addendum however is: Realise,preferably before I shuffle from my irrepressibly mortal coil,that everybody in the known universe has a ‘To Do’ that looks exactly like this.Or,if they do not already,they bloody well should!

    Fantastic stuff,matey.
    Thank you.

  5. Shaylyn

    Had to jump over from Cracked as well and thank you for that article. Your down to earth but quirky jokes meshed perfectly with the somber topic. Sometimes all you need is to know someone else understands. So, thank you.

  6. Joss

    As Lissie so perfectly states above, the way you blended the comic and the harrowing in your article about depression felt the most true as anything on the topic I’ve read. Well done.

  7. Carlee

    I haven’t seen honest and skillfully worded works in a while. Its refreshing to know there are still a few good writers out there. Keep it up. 🙂