Blogger: I am a housewife and/or teenager.
Vlogger: I am an attention whoring housewife and/or teenager.
Social Media Specialist: I dropped out of university because I spent all my time using Twitter and Facebook.
SEO Specialist: I can make your content more appealing to Google and less appealing to human beings.
Anything with “Rockstar,” “Jedi” or “Ninja” in it: I work for a company that will be defunct in six months.
Humourist: I’m too pretentious to call myself a comedy writer.
Comedy Writer: I’m not witty enough to call myself a humourist.
Freelance Writer: If the law didn’t stop me I would eat you and put the money saved on groceries towards rent.