Month: July 2013
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Things I Forget At the Office When I get Back From Vacation
My password. Several of my co-workers’ names. What I was working on. What I’m doing here. Why I have this job. Why I’m spending my hours performing menial tasks for mediocre pay instead of taking a risk and pursuing my dreams. What I’m doing with my life. Why I even bother to drag myself out…
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An Open Letter to the Naturalist Who Woke Me Up at 7:30 in the Morning By Reading Quotes From His Kayaking Journal Over the Cruise Ship’s Public Address System
Dear Brent, Your intriguing statement that the soul is a tour guide for our lives raises fascinating philosophical questions. As a counterargument, may I humbly suggest that it’s 7:30 in the fucking morning and I really don’t give a shit about your stupid dumb kayaking journal, Jesus God. It’s great that you once wrote that…
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An Excerpt From an Episode of Scooby Doo, Where Are You! Written by Friedrich Nietzsche
FREDDY At last, gang, we have captured the Miner Forty-Niner. At last we shall learn the truth behind the haunted mine. VELMA I can’t believe our elaborate system of mirrors, ropes, pulleys, smoke machines, tripwires and slide whistles was able to trap the Miner in the depression of existential darkness! FREDDY Never doubt victory, Velma.…