Month: May 2013

  • Events Planned for the One Year Anniversary of Mark Hill’s Word Repository

    “A Year of Reposits” video retrospective narrated by Sir David Attenborough. Gloating speech taunting the rival websites I drove out of business. Commenter of the Year Award presented. Posting of the climatic final chapter of The Terrific Trips and Terrifying Travails of Timmy the Timid Turtle. Ritual sacrifice to Hermes. Launch of major redesign intended…

  • Future Scandals of the Obama Administration

    Sandalgate – President Obama is spotted wearing socks with sandals. The birther conspiracy is reignited as conservative commentators cite this fashion faux pas as proof of Obama’s lack of respect for American culture and customs. Gategate – President Obama accidentally closes a White House gate on John Boehner’s foot. Pundits argue that this is a…

  • Buy My Goddamn Rice, You Stupid Cocks

    Alright, fuckers, listen up. Uncle Ben here, and I am sick of your stupid goddamn bullshit. Word on the street is that you’re not buying my rice the way you used to. Well, fuck you. For years I played the nice old man, the friendly southern gentleman who brought you delicious long grains. You liked…

  • An Open Letter to the 27th Person to Talk to Me About the Weather Today

    Dear [redacted], Yes, it is weird that we’re getting snow at this time of year. I couldn’t agree more. Yes, I too was hoping to enjoy some warm weather this weekend. I’m sorry to hear about what the frost will do to the garden you just planted. I’m sorry your hiking plans are shot. I’m…