Monthly Archives: March 2013

I’d like to Welcome You to the Blog for my Kickstarter for my Etsy Store

Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there. Your webcam must be off! Haha, I’m just kidding. Welcome to Rushin’ Forward, the official blog of the Kickstarter that wants to bring knitted replicas of early 19th century Russian gynaecological equipment to Etsy!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Seriously? Etsy doesn’t already have kitted replicas of early 19th century Russian gynaecological equipment?” I know; it’s crazy. When I first discovered this glaring omission, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I knew that if I didn’t fill this void (no pun intended!) someone else would… but would they do it right? I couldn’t take that risk, and that’s how the dream began.

I know what you’re thinking now. “Why a Kickstarter?” “Do you really need 50,000 dollars to start an Etsy store?” “How can one man possibly satisfy the demands of the kitted replicas of early 19th century Russian gynaecological equipment market?” No, I’m not psychic! These are some of the questions the creation of my Kickstarter prompted, so I created this blog to answer them. Rushin’ Forward is also the place to be for updates on the campaign and, if we hit our third stretch goal, previews of what the store will have for sale!

First things first—yes, I do need 50,000 dollars. Sure, you could go to any craft fair and find kitted replicas of early 19th century Russian gynaecological equipment for a few bucks a pop, but are those replicas knitted with only the finest imported Peruvian llama hair? Are they painstakingly compared to the real deal to ensure perfect accuracy? Do they come with a one year warranty and a certificate of authenticity? I thought not.

In the interest of full disclosure, I admit that a portion of the money will be going towards my living expenses. Allow me to explain why this is necessary. Every moment I spend making, nay, giving birth to kitted replicas of early 19th century Russian gynaecological equipment is a moment I can’t spend making wax replicas of antebellum American farming equipment. And that’s what pays the bills.

Don’t get me wrong—I pour blood, sweat and tears into my wax replicas of antebellum American farming equipment. It’s a labour of love. But I don’t feel called to them the way I feel called to kitted replicas of early 19th century Russian gynaecological equipment. But it’s going to take time for the latter to turn a profit, and that’s why I’m humbly asking for your help. I promise that when my Etsy store starts making money, I will give back every penny spent on living expenses to a scholarship I’m establishing for art students who want to specialise in making their very own kitted replicas of early 19th century Russian gynaecological equipment and/or wax replicas of antebellum American farming equipment and/or stainless steel replicas of the novelty party hats of Cold War Europe. I take, but I also give. Give to me, and I will give not only to you, but to the future.

Sadly, as you may have seen on my Twitter feed, @KnitRepRussGynEquip, the Kickstarter is off to a slow start. So far we’re raised $12.50, and while I sincerely appreciate these early donations, we’ve got a long way to go. That’s why I started a Tumblr account to help promote the effort. To reiterate what was posted on it and the official Facebook page this morning, here’s what’s in it for you if you donate.

$1.00 – The personal satisfaction of helping an artistic dream take flight.

$5.00 – A non-personalised thank you email.

$20.00 – A personalised thank you email.

$50.00 – A shout out on this very blog!

$100.00 – A spot on the replica pre-order list.

$500.00 – A spot on the pre-order list, and your choice of wool colour!

$1000.00 – Exclusive first access to new replica models.

$5000.00 – A custom replica based on a piece of early 19th century Russian gynaecological equipment in your collection!

$10,000.00 – Buy three replicas, get one free!

$25,000.00 – Buy two replicas, get one free!

$50,000.00 – “Brought to you by *your name here*” will be stitched onto every replica.

As you can see, your donations pay for themselves. But to sweeten the deal, for every dollar you donate you’ll receive a ticket for a raffle to win the very first replica I create! (Limited time offer, those who have already donated are not eligible.) It’s going to be a special one, folks, so cross your fingers. And remember—the more you donate, the better your chances!

As the inspirational Instagrams I shared with you this morning suggested, I’m feeling optimistic. But I can’t succeed without your help. And not just financially—every Facebook share, every retweet, every reddit post and YouTube video brings us a step closer to a world where you can buy kitted replicas of early 19th century Russian gynaecological equipment for a reasonable fee, plus shipping and handling and modest convenience charges. That, my friends, is a world I want to live in. Do you?

P.S. Be sure to check out my Pinterest account!

Literary Video Game Adaptations

TimeSplitters: In Search of Lost Time

Mario’s Republic

Anna of Green Hill Zone

Rayman: A Farewell to Arms

To Double Kill a Mockingbird

The Blind Assassin’s Creed

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Resident Evil

Fear and Loathing in New Vegas

Dante’s De Monarchia

My Contact Information

To reach me by email, send a message to mehill@gmail.com.

To reach me by phone or text message, get to know me a little and I’ll give you my number.

To reach me by physical mail, email, phone or text me for my address. After mailing your letter, email, phone or text me a reminder to check my mailbox, along with a valid explanation as to why you’re using the postal system instead of email, phone or text. Any explanation containing the words “old-fashioned,” “quaint” or “personal” is not valid.

To reach me by fax, buy me a fax machine. If your first fax does not justify the usage of this medium instead of email, I will return the fax machine and spend the money on alcohol.

To reach me by smoke signal, find an elevated clearing with a nearby supply of wood that’s visible from my home. Be aware that if you are reported to the fire department, I will claim to not know you.

To reach me by telegram, steal telegram machines from a museum, learn Morse code and teach it to me, and grow an old-timey mustache suitable for a telegram operator.

To reach me by singing telegram, be prepared to receive a reply in the form of emotional and physical abuse.

To reach me by candygram, be aware that I prefer dark chocolate and/or caramel corn. While I still appreciate receiving other kinds of candygrams, I will not send a reply.

To reach me by messenger pigeon, purchase and train a messenger pigeon. Please note that in order to maintain effective two way communication, you will need to keep the pigeon’s nest at your home while feeding it at my home, or vice versa. You will be responsible for caring for the pigeon.

To reach me emotionally, become my close friend by bonding with me through common interests and shared experiences. After many years of adventure, stimulating conversation and good old fashioned hanging out, remind me of a distant but stirring memory of our friendship. This memory should involve either a wacky mishap, to make me reflect on my youth, a brush with death, to make me realise how important you are to me, or a time when I confessed something deeply personal to you, to show me how trustworthy you’ve been. A single, manly tear will roll down my cheek as I think about how valuable your friendship is, and our kinship will become even stronger.

To reach me physically, make out with me.