Month: February 2013

  • Signs that I’m Maturing

    I make the healthy kind of Kraft Dinner. The profanity I direct at video games is tasteful and restrained. I understand over half the settings on my washer and dryer. There is slightly more milk than beer in my fridge. I know where the vacuum cleaner is, and have contemplated using it. I watch the…

  • An Open Letter to the Neighbourhood Dog Who Thinks I’m an Evil Wizard, or Something

    Dear Dog, I’ll be blunt. I don’t like you, and you have no opinion of me because you forget that I exist the moment I disappear from view or an unusually suspicious pinecone captures your attention. But for those scant few moments when I am extant in your reality, you don’t like me. I can…

  • Other Holidays for People Who Insist on Celebrating Singles Awareness Day

    Prime Ministers Day The Welsh Are a Culturally Rich and Diverse People Day Fathers Who Were Never There When We Needed Them Day Talk About the Socioeconomic Plight of Somali Pirates Day Aboriginal Victims of Columbus Day Lecture Children About the Importance of Dental Hygiene and Good Eating Habits Day How Can You Be Thankful…