Monthly Archives: June 2012

My Early Haikus

A quiet wind blows
Over the misty mountain
Then all is calm. Fuck.

The last line’s five, right?
Best check Wikipedia
Source of all knowledge

Wait, hold on a sec
Haikus can take other forms?
Teachers lied to me

Mr. Hall, you cock
I didn’t deserve that F
Or your mocking words

Who fails a child
For miscounting syllables
In fifth grade English?

I was so ashamed
And now I learn that haikus
Can be random crap

This is such bullshit
My young self-esteem destroyed
By a massive lie

A quiet wind blows
Over the misty mountain
Triggering an avalanche that buries Mr. Hall alive
Seriously, fuck that guy

People I Have Been Mistaken For When Their Acquaintances Are Apparently Given My Email Address By Accident

Mary Hill, a successful British opera singer, director and teacher, a dedicated member of the Trollope Society, and someone who associates with people who don’t think it’s pretentious to use “au fait” in casual conversation.

Melvin, who has almost procured a new VA loan from the good people at West Town Savings Bank, a Maryland bank that specialises in mortgages.

Margaret E. Hill, who is in the process of taking control of a nearly half million dollar Investment Management Account managed by Scotia Private Client Group, which was previously held by her mother, also named Margaret Hill, until her death on April 12th, 2011.

Dr. Michael Hill, an optometrist who, due to his considerable knowledge and skill in treating glaucoma, is often consulted for advice, opinion and commentary by his colleagues.

P, who Anne Ruggles wanted to have dinner with on November 3rd, 2011, but was tragically unable to because I couldn’t inform her of her error until the following day.

Michele, whose 2007 Toyota Sienna has hit 55,000 miles and is therefore due for a routine maintenance appointment at Melody Toyota of San Bruno, California.

Mark Hill, a man whose penis does not satisfy the ladies.

Welcome to the official website of freelance writer Mark Hill, created because I’m not popular enough to have an unofficial fan page. You can find links to my work and my contact information above, or read my personal work below. Enjoy!